just tell him i said nine months
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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