Do you still have your period?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
