If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
as a side note pls kill me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
