I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
