What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
