My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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