non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need a hoe opinion
go on
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
