the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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