We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
