I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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