i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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