Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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