Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
