My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We are two peas in an std pod
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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