We're like a lot better than the average bears
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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