So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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