Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Randomize
