connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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