Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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