How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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