are you still at the devil's house?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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