How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
