Life is so much better after having sex.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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