The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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