I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She bit a glass in half.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
