Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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