You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
