..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
