just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
