Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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