He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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