Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
