He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
