So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
