Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
