so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I could have mohawked her pubes.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
