you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
