She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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