kristin has been a bad kristin
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
