hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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