No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
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who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
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Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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