Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
