She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
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Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
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I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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