I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
