thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
