I wanna bring you to show and tell
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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