My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
