is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
