Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
