He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
