hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
