I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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