What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
