I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
