OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
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Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize