So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
