I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
