I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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