why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
