The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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