Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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