we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
