Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
