im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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