I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
That's when you crack a 10am beer
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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