You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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