He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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