Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
