ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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