Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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