if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
