Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
