It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
