We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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