david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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