Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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