Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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