You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
the raccoons are back...
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