Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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